Oh, No She Didn't

You know those moments when you have to discipline through stifled laughter at the very act you’re condemning?  I had a golden moment like that tonight.

We have swimming lessons at Foss on Fridays.  I love Foss for many reasons, but here are the top two: 

1) Ellen’s awesome teacher Jared, and 2) Panera across the hall.  After today’s lesson, we headed over for a snack.  While we were back a few feet from the counter, vacillating between cookie or brownie, Ellen pointed at something in front of us and giggled.  I looked up and saw an extremely obese woman placing her order.  I asked Ellen what was so funny.  (WHY did I do this?  WHY?  As much as I wanted to believe that Ellen was not laughing at the sizable rear in front of us, I knew deep down that she was). 

With a huge smile and somewhat declamatory volume level, Ellen said, “Look at that HUGE bum!”

She did it.  She went there.  I knelt down to her level and said very quietly, “Ellen, it is extremely rude to make a remark like that about someone.”

“But Mom,” she continued, “I just saw something silly.” 

“Even if you think it’s silly, you should not say things like that.  You need to be quiet right now.”

Ellen pointed again.  “Well, you can see it right there.”  (I think this was intended to make sure that I actually got a visual on the bum in question.  Certainly in Ellen’s mind, if I had seen the bum I would be laughing right along with her, and therefore my discipline could not really be justified).

“Okay,” I said, “I think you’ve lost your snack.  Let’s go.”   

I sort of regretted this for a split second after saying it.  For one thing, I really wanted a snack too.  But also, I realized that she couldn’t actually understand the reasons why her behavior was inappropriate.  In her world, the bum was indisputably funny, and not attached to a real person with feelings.  And for Pete’s sake, her mother in her own childhood would probably have snickered rudely (albeit quietly) at such a bum, and at a much older age than three-and-a-half.  I thought of reneging.    

Alas, a screaming tantrum ensued, and as soon as a screaming tantrum is involved, there can be no turning back.  Obviously it would be bad enough to renege on a disciplinary measure without the provoking tantrum, but it is exponentially worse to renege after behavior gets worse, regardless of how embarrassing the entire situation is.  We had to leave.  On the way to the car, I was laughing to myself. 

Oh, and don’t worry – I stopped at Starbucks on the way home.  I got two red velvet whoopee pies.  Ellen got nothing.