Teetering

Today I’m wearing a shirt that says “Balanced Mom.”  I bought it last October to complete a Halloween costume which was my recreation of Kate Gosselin (ironic since in the eyes of the public she’s one of the least balanced out there, right along with the Octo-Mom and any of the various “Susan Smith” types).  When I made the purchase, the thought crossed my mind that wearing such a T-shirt is a rather bold and presumptuous move, particularly if one can’t fall back on the excuse of Halloween, and for that reason I briefly wondered if I would wear the shirt on a regular day.  Well, obviously the problem of having a tiny (and now mostly ill-fitting) wardrobe trumps the problem of worrying over the accuracy of a T-shirt slogan – the shirt fits and at the very least does not highlight problem areas, so indeed it has been worn many times.  I figure I can get away with it if I wear it in a spirit of sarcasm.   

It’s possible that the last time I wore the “Balanced Mom” shirt was on the day when I found myself holding a handful of fruit snack wrappers from the car, with a snow drift blocking my way to the big garbage can, Dave blocking my way to the house, Cecilia crying in the car and Ellen very methodically inserting her leg almost to the knee in a second snow drift, and I just could not deal with the presence of such literal and metaphorical GARBAGE in my life.  I dealt with that overwhelming moment in a completely balanced way – by simply throwing the wrappers in a third snow drift, yelling at Dave that I really just needed to “have a GOOD CRY and then SLEEP for, like, a YEAR!!!!” and then leaving Dave to fish the garbage from the snow while I commenced the good cry on the way to preschool, with Ted Nugent and then The Who blaring so as to tune out Ellen’s repeated requests for “Wheels on the Bus.” 

I know I wore the shirt once or twice while I was pregnant with C, and so then it’s possible that “Balanced Mom” was emblazoned across my chest while I flipped Dave the bird and yelled out the door as he calmly walked away that he was “NEVER going to impregnate me AGAIN!!!!”  

I think the more often I can wear the shirt while having an irrational tantrum, the funnier it becomes.  If I plan on wearing the shirt a couple times a week, I should definitely hit an irrational tantrum or two.  However, that plan does require much more frequent laundry, so I might have to reconsider.